Premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is when you come (ejaculate) sooner than you want to during sex. It’s a common difficulty and if it happens occasionally, it’s usually nothing to be concerned about. But if it happens durng most of the sex you have, you might want to look at getting some support.
Remember there's no set time that sex should last. Rapid ejaculation is only a problem if you and your partner are not happy with how long sex takes.
Why does it happen?
Problems with ejaculation can start at any age. It can be caused by something psychological or something physical. Causes can include:
feelings of shame and stigma around sex
nervousness and anxiety about sex
past trauma, like a traumatic sexual experience at a young age
stress and depression
drinking too much alcohol
diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid problems and prostate disease
conditions that cause nerve damage, like multiple sclerosis
Some people learn to come quickly when they’re young and start to masturbate because they are nervous about getting found masturbating. The body gets used to this. And it gets less useful as they get older. Fortunately, it’s possible to ‘retrain’ your body.
I come too quickly, what should I do?
There are some things you can try yourself before seeing a medical professional:
masturbating an hour or 2 before having sex
using a thicker condom to help reduce sensation
having sex with your partner on top so they can to pull away when you are close to ejaculating
taking breaks during sex and thinking about something that doesn’t excite you
You can also talk to your GP, who can refer you to a psychosexual therapist for counselling. Or you can go private and pay for therapy to help.
If you're in a long-term relationship, you might want to go to couples therapy. You and your partner will be able to talk about any issues in your relationship and how they affect you. You can also learn about some things to try that can help you ‘unlearn’ the habit of premature ejaculation.
Medical treatment for premature ejaculation
There are medicines available through your GP which can help.
A type of drug called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can be helpful. These are mainly used as antidepressants. But one of their side effects is that they delay ejaculation. There’s also an SSRI called dapoxetine which is used specifically for treating premature ejaculation.
For most types of SSRI, you’ll need to take them daily for 1–2 weeks before you notice the effects. With dapoxetine, you can take it 1–3 hours before having sex, but only once a day.
Anaesthetic creams and sprays can help by making your genitals feel less sensitive.
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